Last Christmas
The Gift of Being a Father
My dear daughter,
This might be our last Christmas together, and it hurts deep inside my heart. I know that real men cry, especially when it comes to their beloved family. I am sure you know that I love you. You know I cherish you and ALL the memories of watching you grow into the person you are today.
I still remember when you were in your mom's womb, we would sing hymns so you would know our voices. I can still feel your trusting body on my shoulder when I would put you above my head as a little girl. I still remember you swinging your arms in a peaceful slumber and saying “Get the baby out”. Your little hands are still holding tightly to my pinkie as you are taking your first steps. You are, in my mind, the toddler running the house crying “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy” when I came home after a long journey. You are that young teen girl who came home from school sometimes happy, worried, or upset, and didn’t want to talk, but would eventually open up with comfort. Because you knew your father had words of wisdom to share.
Ever since your brothers left this home. I have been preparing my heart, mind, and soul for the return of voices of harmony, happiness, love, peace, and memories. For a father’s heart, there is a time in life when we make preparations for our last goodbyes. When we get ready to see our last child embark upon their own journey. When you are away from home. When you are away from my hands of protection. It is also a time when, one happy day, another man will become number one in your life. God Almighty, knows my heart and mind–there will never be a great man for my beautiful and smart daughter. At least, that is what most fathers come to believe. It is good and it is hard my love. Surely every father, no matter how distant, hopes deep inside that this transition will breed happiness, harmony, faith, unity, and love to the fullest. No man can control the future, nor do I wish to control your future ever. I am certain that your future will be full of challenges along with struggles mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You are you, my love. What I am about to say, is not to direct your life, but it comes from my heart and years of “growing up” alongside your mother. She is the best woman God Almighty shared with me, and she provided the greatest gifts (Isaac, Andrew, and Delina). I would like to tell you about two ways that you can find a good man and be prepared to get along with him for the rest of your life. Because this time will come. And my great hope is that you discover the man who loves and cherishes you as much as the world itself.
I have taught you to always ask questions, so, ask questions! You have observed for years the discipline of your father; waking up earlier than most to spend hours learning. Only to share the wisdom with those in our house and students like you! But I did this for you and your brothers, it was a choice. Live like the average or transform the heart, mind, and soul daily. Never take someone by their words alone. Remember, actions speak louder than words alone. Before my marriage to your mother, I didn’t know myself very well, in fact, I don’t believe your mother knew herself that well either. So, know who you are Delina. Our strong love is thanks to a strong faith and will to make things work no matter what happens in life. It is thanks to the great examples in our life too!! Life will always throw lemons your way. So, make lemonade with the lemons and sell it to those thirsty. Knowing your value and worth is truly essential. It is a major key to a satisfied life.
My next advice my love, is to pull back the layers, yes, like an onion. Mom and I had to endure the pain, struggles, and hard work that happened earlier in life, even during our dating years. This is why I said, “Know who you are.” By that I mean the work of discovering what is truly inside us that makes us think what we think (Mind), feel what we feel (Heart), and do what we do (Actions/Behavior). We did lots of “fighting, crying, and hurting’” before we started figuring some of that out and finding common ground. I love your mother more than you can truly imagine. I pray that you discover this same love and affection in your future husband.
To find the right man in this world, you will have to have great judgment of character which comes from a healthy knowledge and confidence in who you are my love. It will also come from all the books, I have recommended to you in your earlier years too! You will have to know how to forgive him, you will need to know how to forgive yourself. You will need to know how to take responsibility for your wrongs, which I am confident that you are already aware of today. Of course, this goes the same for him too!! Having a mentor, good readings with time for reflection and journaling, and spiritual activities will help you along the journey. If you ever feel stuck, turn back to prayer, meditation, and the voices you used to hear in the morning. Return back to the learning, practicing, and discipline which are essential tools to live a happier life. Remember, great books that remain yours and your brothers have taught people to gain confidence, listen effectively, communicate with honesty, and understanding, and know how to manage boundaries. These books and voices weren’t just for people with illness, but for all people to better themselves on this journey.
The reason your mother and I have always hated the idea of taking pills is that they’re harmful to a woman’s health. There are too many medications that have strong side effects that mess up your body, mind, and mood. So, my advice to you is that even before you get serious or even date a guy, you know yourself really well. Know your cycles. Know when to drink and not to! Know the character of the individual. This will help you in all your relationships, especially with the one that matters the most to you in the near future. If you only knew how proud I am of you. You have already given me joys way beyond my deserving. To see you go off in the world to experience, learn, love, work, share, and make friends, fills me with so much confidence in your abilities to be a woman who will have a meaningful life. I know that’s what you’re also looking for too. We will always be there to encourage you and support you in any way possible because that is what family means.
Your father's last piece of advice. I read serval years ago about a young man who changed to course of history by his very own convictions. His name was Mahatma Gandhi. The reason why I am sharing this individual with you is because he passed down wisdom like many great teachers. Gandhi loved carrot soup which was a specialty. Sweets and spices had been arriving by sea from his family in India. Of course, he asked that the sendings be discontinued. Instead, he would eat and enjoy spinach and other vegetables without condiments. Gandhi said, “Many such experiments,” he remarked, “This taught me that the real seat of taste was not in the tongue but in the mind.” Gandhi commenced that remarkable lifelong task of changing his mind. Always remember my love, everything starts in the heart and mind. Which means always strive to have a great mindset.
I found in the New Testament of the Bible these words that have assisted me on my journey of life and I hope they assist you on yours. Blessed are the meek…blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you… agree with thine adversary quickly. Forgive man for their trespasses…lay not up for yourself treasure upon the earth…for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also…” These are the words of Christ. Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts. I challenge you to read the book of Psalms and Proverbs for ten years. I also challenge you to read Mediations by Marcus Aurelius. And see how much your heart, mind, and soul will change. I am not a perfect father by any means. I have never claimed to be, but I do strive to leave this world a better place than I found it, and much of that is in the course of my very own children.
With all my love and gratitude for you,
Dad
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