Stop, Start, & Give

September 27, 2019

Stop, Start, & Give

It has been such a long time since my last blog or post. For that I am deeply sorry to all the readers, family, friends, and criticizers. I have been busy Reflecting, learning, researching, and experimenting. Jim Rohn once said; “If you want to change, you have to change”. If you are willing change, everything will change for the better.”

Unfortunately, it takes time, which is something we cannot buy with money. We cannot retrieve or substitute time in life. This area of concern is starting to take over the lives and minds of our next generation of children. What am I talking about? Mental health. The driving question is: Are kids more “Stressed”, more “Depressed” today - and if so, why? And how can parents, guardians, teachers, or coach’s help?

I know what is like to live in pain. Facing those mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical pains. I remember my own personal battles with suicide, depression, addition, and sexual abuse. I remember being 10 - years - old and being placed into foster care. And literally asking myself, why am I still here? All while looking into the dark sky. And then asking myself, how did it come to this for me? I totally remember going to school and being bullied because I wasn't from the area or because I didn't sport the latest fashion. I remember dumpster diving for food in the trash cans of Dunkin' Donuts or Burger King. People used to make fun of me, and laughs at me because my mother wasn't really there and I had no father in my life. I know what it is like to grow-up without self-control, self-confidence, self-worth, self-love, or self-esteem.

Saying all that leads me into our topic of the day. Every Sunday across the nation kids arrive to the thought and action of going back to school. Of course, then Monday arrives and, along with the weekday ahead, students across the nation will storm their school and fill in their classrooms. A majority of students are ready to go home because they have come to hate school. Along with the short percent which are prepared to learn and achieve. We are seeing more students report "anxiousness", “stressed-out”, and ”depression.” In fact, every authentic parent and genuine guardian wants their kids or grandchildren to succeed in life as they are today. Today, they want them to feel good about themselves and for a great reason. I have researched and found studies that show kids experience of low self-esteem, anxiety, stress, depression, and suicide. A great psychotherapist and author of ‘13 Things Mentally Stronger Parents Don’t Do’. This was an exceptional book that I recommend. I've learned from experience and lesson from books and others alike. In fact, another came to mind. It is called 'Children Learn What They Live' by Dorthy Law Nolte and Rachel Harris and foreworded by Jack Canfield. It is books like this that have helped me to become a better parent, coach, and leader. Why? Because anyone can find strategies, tips, and principles that I believe will help build children's confidence, self-worth, and most importantly their self-love. I have added some tips or strategies of my own. Of course, some I have read, and some I have heard in the passing of life. But all are still being practiced or rehearsed today.

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1. Responsibility

Help kids take ownership. Letting them escape responsibility is letting them commit a crime. Have them take genuine classes seriously. I am talking about those classes that they'll use in life. And have them pitch in around the house: laundry, dishes, dinner, or taking out the trash. This will help them become more responsible citizens and leaders of the community.

Let the fail, yes! Let the get the rejection or fail at things in life. Life is tough. When they go through these areas. We consider them learning curves or life lessons. Letting the prevent these areas is a massive mistake. You're "ROBBING" them of an opportunity to learn, grow, develop, and bounce back. So, whether its not remembering cleats for softball, soccer or gym bag for volleyball. Perhaps, it's a math or science quiz. Let them face adversity because those are the greatest teachers. Each one is an opportunity for them to build the mental strength they need for a tough world.

2, Emotions

Learn to protecting their emotions or help them with emotional control. Watch how we react to our kids' emotions has a big impact on the development of their emotional intelligence and self-esteem. Help your kids identify what triggers their emotions and teach them how to self-regulate. Provide them with a framework that helps explain how they feel so they'll have an easier time dealing with those emotions in a socially appropriate way in the future. Teach them to understand self-awareness because it is the foundation of growth and development.

3, Courage

Excellent parents give courage and love daily. Aristotle once said: "courage is the first virtue that makes all others virtues possible." Kids will be forced with difficult decisions and challenges in life. It is our duty to give them the best advice and recommendation. I believe courage is like the idea of a blacksmith. Courage is the fire and the kids are molded by the red-hot iron. Adversity embodies courage and leaves them more committed at finishing strong.

4, Communication

"The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we community." - Joseph Priestley

Master of communication is a life-skill all children should learn in my eye and the eyes of the world. Communication is a real world skill that many lack today. Help kids effectively communicate takes patients and practice. They cannot become a great leader without becoming a great communicator.

Start by having logical discussions in the car. Create a connection in the car that makes the environment claim. Listen without distractions and carelessness. Focus on the topics and try not to over respond. I have learned that respond and react mean two different things.

5, Generosity

Help our children learn this life-skill of generosity. John Maxwell once said: " A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit." Learning and teaching it are different. 40 years on this earth and I had to re-learn this skill. I know it is impactful and desperately need today.

If we won't our kids to grow and develop into successful leaders. We will fight in every way to help them get there. Despite our past experiences or failures.

6, Humility

Live, love, and learn how to teach humility to our kids. C.S. Lewis once quoted; "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." We call omit that kids today think about themselves. I was recently at a soccer game and saw. A group of older kids or possibly middle schoolers that were on the same team fighting for the ball.

7, Passion

Help your kids or grandchildren learn passion, attitude, and enthusiasm because they are contagious. So, many kids across American have boredom but no apathy. Games and no desire. Procrastination paralysis is contagious as well. Kids have no passion to strive for achieving something life lasting that can benefit mankind. This digram might help you and the kids on the journey. I know it helped me understand myself. It also helped me know my kids and people we work with.

BASIS FOR COMPARISON	INTROVERT	EXTROVERT
Meaning	An introvert is a person who remains isolated, or enjoys the company of few closed ones.	An extrovert is an outgoing and outspoken person who enjoys being around and talking to people.
Nature	Self-contained	Gregarious
Speaking	They think before speaking.	They reason things out by speaking them.
Energy	Recharges with solitude	Recharges with social interactions
Time	Spends more time with themselves	Spends more time with family and friends
Focus	Inward focused	Outward focused
Friends	Few	Many
Change	Do not accept change easily.	Accept change easily.
Communication	Openly communicate about themselves with people they know and trust.	Openly communicate about themselves with anyone.
Concentration	Deeply concentrate for long period.	Get distracted easily.